Well, I messed up yesterday.
I worked at the beach and packed a couple of boiled eggs and some celery for lunch. I had a good breakfast so thought I could get by with that much food till dinner.
I was wrong.
Around 3:30 I felt a mild sense of hunger, but nothing I couldn't handle. (Or so I thought) By 4:30 I was definitely hungry, and I was feeling a mild sense of panic. My brain was starting to obsess about dinner, and I felt vaguely uncomfortable and nervous.
As I started driving home at 5pm, all I could think about was what I was going to eat. I was feeling like I had to have some food immediately! I started thinking about what I had at home to eat and suddenly no food in my house was going to satisfy me.
Like magic, Good Leslie and Bad Leslie appeared. I started to think about McDonald's, Long John Silvers, Chinese restaurants and every other fast food joint that I was going to be passing on my way home. Good Leslie started to argue with Bad Leslie, trying to reason about how I should just go home, find something healthy and calm down.
It didn't work.
By now I was in the middle of what constitutes rush hour traffic for my area and traffic was at a crawl. I was pretty much in a full blown panic now. I didn't know at this point whether Good Leslie was going to go home and eat healthy or BAD Leslie was going to stop somewhere and pig out.
I'm sad to say that BAD Leslie won the battle.
Traffic was stalled right at the turnoff to What- A- Burger, my favorite fast- food restaurant. Suddenly Bad Leslie grabbed the steering wheel and turned it right into the parking lot that serves my favorite hamburger and malt. Bad Leslie convinced me as I was walking in that I was doing the right thing. While I was inside eating, all traffic would clear out and I would calm down and all would be well again. Once inside, all good intentions (If they ever existed) fell to the wayside as I ordered a DOUBLE meat hamburger, fries, and a LARGE vanilla malt! I am not going to lie to you. I ate it all, and I enjoyed it. I didn't feel sick or shaky or anything bad physically. I did feel a little bit sad that I had fallen off the wagon but I told myself that I could jump right back on it today, and that is what I have done. I also exercised for an hour today to try to make up for some of it.
What I wonder about is this: Why do I get so panicked when I start to get hungry? All reason seems to go out the window and I lose control. Logic tells me that I will get food again; that I am by no means starving to death, but the panic just takes over. Once that happens I am not going to deal with food in the right way until I have gorged myself on fast food and carbs. After I do that, I feel calmer and more satisfied for a while. I know that people who have control of their eating habits or who have never had a weight problem don't know what I am talking about but a lot of people will probably identify with me. What makes me get so freaked out sometimes and lose control?
I suppose the answer to this is when I am at work to never let myself run out of good, healthy foods to munch on every couple of hours. I will make that my goal for next week.
I would like to hear if any of my readers have ever gone through an episode like mine and what you do to avoid it. Leave me a comment.
On a happier note, this morning I wrote down a list of prioritized things I wanted or needed to do today and I accomplished them all. Yay for me! More later..........